Friday, March 26, 2010

The Story Of The Ladybug

I guess the first blog I should post is kind of a bit of background on me and the story behind the ladybug. First off my husband I and struggled with infertility for four years. I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and I did not ovulate on my own. I was completely devastated by this diagnosis. There has never been a time in my life when I havent dreamed of being a mom. I was that little girl who always had a baby doll in her arms. We tried many different treatments but finally it seemed like the best option was injectable medications to induce ovulation with IUI (insemination). The IUI just increases the chances of conception. I was sad to think that this most intimate practice of conceiving was going to involve a doctor...a stranger. Thank God I have an amazing husband who said to me that it doesnt matter how our baby was conceived because regardless our baby was conceived in love. Oh so true!

We did finally get our first positive pregnancy test after IUI #3. We were overjoyed. Our prayers had been answered. We saw the most beautiful heartbeat when I was 5wks 5days pregnant. They say the odds of miscarriage greatly decreases once you see/hear the heartbeat so we felt so good. We were instantly in love. Our first appointment with our OB was when I was just under 10wks along. I felt like everything was going good. I was very sick! When they started the ultrasound I knew right away something was wrong. Our baby looked so perfect but so still. No heartbeat. In that moment my world stopped. How could this be happening to my husband? This is not fair! Almost instantly I was bombarded with my different "options." I decided on a D&C since my body did not seem to be responding to the loss. I couldnt imagine waiting for it to happen and to be honest I was scared.

After I was really struggling. I was beyond sad and my heart ached so much. Miscarriage is awful for anyone but when you have struggled with infertility it just feels like I have to climb that HUGE mountain again. I was exhausted of the struggle. I just remember praying and asking God to send me a sign that all was ok. I was worried about the baby (even though I know the baby is gone and with Our Lord). I just needed some reassurance. One night my husband and I were coming home late and we were definitely broken souls. We walked up to our front door and right there in the middle of it was a ladybug. It was very late at night. I instantly took this as a sign. Other times when I was struggling I would pray again for that sign. Always I was reassured. Even once one landed on me and instantly I had a smile and a feeling of pure bliss.

So we jumped back on the infertility rollercoaster because ultimately we wanted to be a family. The next cycle went amazing. I had so many follicles (eggs). I knew instantly that I was pregnant again. Then at 5wks 6days we discovered we were having twins. Instantly they were my "ladybugs." And once we found out both were girls the nickname really stuck. They are both truly such a blessing! I have no doubt that God sent them to us.

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