3 Months!

My babies are 3 months! Well actually today they are 15 weeks. They are getting so big and more adorable every day. Sometimes I look at them and just can't believe that we created such beautiful girls! I honestly couldn't have picked out more perfect baby girls for my family :)Every day is a new adventure as they discover what their bodies can do. One of the newest things is that they are rolling over now "on purpose." Leah rolled over the first time at 2 weeks but that was obviously an accident. But now it is official they are semi mobile oh my! They still get very frustrated because they don't always want to roll over and they have to figure out how to get themselves back to where they want to be. I know soon enough that will happen but for now mommy to the rescue flipping babies who didn't want to flip!

Tummy Time!

Ava rolling...

OVER!

Leah grabbed her first toy!

Wonder Woman(s)

The girls got these Wonder Woman onsies at Christmas from their Uncle. I of course rolled my eyes but hubby loved them. I was reorganizing the girls dresser drawers and found them and decided we needed to take some pics before they completely outgrew them! OK I have to admit they are cute after all LOL. BTW aren't their expressions priceless!

4th Of July!

Happy 4th of July! Yes I know I am WAY late but I still wanted to share our pics from that day. We kept it very low key since the girls are still so young and I wasn't sure how they would react to loud fireworks. We stayed home as our "party of four" and bbq'd.

Do you like our shirts? "Daddy's American Beauties" :)


Our very own light show!


Loving It!

Park!

The girls will be 13 weeks tomorrow! I can't believe how fast time has gone. Today was such a nice day so Michael and I decided to take the girls to the park and get out of the house. It was so nice to lay out the blanket and just let the girls take in the blue sky, trees, birds, and the sound of kids laughing. The girls loved it of course! We got some cute reactions when we put their bare feet in the grass :). Both girls got in a bit of a nap...as well as daddy (must be nice). This summer I have a feeling the park will be seeing a lot of us!

12 WEEKS!

12 weeks! My baby girls are already 12 WEEKS! So crazy. Time has really flown by (prob b/c most of that time I was a walking zombie lol).

I can say sleep has gotten better. The girls are usually asleep by 10pm and awake again around 5am-ish. I cant complain. Breastfeeding is also going great. I have practically filled our new deep freezer! BUT we have gone backwards with the sleeping arrangements. I was working so hard to get them both sleeping in their pack n play (bassinet). I thought this would be good for when I go back to work in 4 weeks. Yes I dont want to talk about that! Boo. Anyway with Ava's tummy issues I was bringing her into bed with me and then I cant leave Leah alone (my issue not her's) so her little behind is now in there too LOL. They sleep GREAT in bed with us which = great sleep for the parents. I have no idea how DH will do this alone though since they are each used to the cuddles. I still am finding myself around 3am working the gas out of Ava and sometimes Leah as well. I have my eyes closed as I work their legs. Im sure its a sight haha. I do worry when Im back to work if DH will be aware of all their little groans. I hear it instantly and work it out before they are in too much pain. UGH I am worried! No one can take the place of mommy :(. Fortunately my hours at work consist of 3-12hr shifts a week (7p-7a). Im going to miss these girls. I have been lucky with my time off. These last two months are personal leave which is no pay. Totally sucks but I will live on Top Ramen if I have to so I can stay home as long as possible.

The girls are so smiley now which is so fun. They are growing so fast. Its official: Ava can no longer wear ANY 0-3mo. She is in 3-6mo for sure now. I used to be able to squeeze her in lol. Now I have to buy different sizes for the girls. They are getting into toys now so DH and I went out and got them a few. So far their Fav is a Little Einstein music thingy. They go wild when the lights start to flash. I put rattles in their hands and they end up knocking their heads with it so I think we need to wait on those a few more weeks HA!

I had to take Leah to the Ped yesterday. Her eye has been having some discharge. I really wasnt too worried since it wasnt red or pink and it didnt seem to bother her. We had to see another Ped in the office which sucked but oh well. Leah would not look at her at all. Leah is our very smiley girl so it was funny to watch her ignore the dr. I know the dr was wondering if she was meeting her milestones and such but oh well Leah had white coat syndrome lol. She gave her an antibiotic ointment and today it looks fine. I think it might just be a clogged duct but I will continue the meds for just in case. I think if it was pink eye Ava would have for sure had it by now!

I am still losing weight. Which is crazy b/c I eat like a cow. Its true. I eat constantly. Today I decided to go out and find some new clothes (just a few). I am tired of looking so frompy. My clothes just hang on me now. I found a cute pair of shorts and capri's but cannot find any tops! I am so in between sizes. My boobs are ginormous so if it fits my chest its loose on my belly and vice versa. We had gone out yesterday looking for me but ended up buying for the girls. How can you resist? Their clothes are SUPER cute!

Also Ava has a hemangioma on her neck. Im trying not to worry about it. I told the dr it looked like it was growing but she says thats just b/c her skin is stretching as she grows. Also when we stand her up she stands on the sides of her feet. Leah doesnt do this so it makes us wonder too. I know its so bad...we should NOT compare. I just hope her feet are ok. I will keep an eye on them until her 4mo well baby check. But if something is wrong I want to catch it early in case she needs braces or something. I just dont want to be one of those paranoid moms.

Anyway I guess thats it. Just so many changes! I am completely in love with these girls and they so have my heart! Still weird to realize that I have two babies and am a mom. I wonder if it will ever feel real and not a dream?

Rock A Bye Baby

The most amazing thing ever!!!!!!!!

CRADLE SWING.

Im telling you its awesome. We bought just a regular swing that goes forwards and back. We didnt really think much of it. Well from the start Ava tolerated it but Leah HATED it. She would literally scream when put in it. I thought well maybe it feels fast to her? I would swaddle her and put her in and same response. I would get frustrated because there was absolutely nothing I could put her in to make her happy. The girls both barely even tolerate the bouncer. It is hard when you cant put your baby down let alone two! So I did some research and kept finding these cradle swings. I thought that maybe I could find one used. I didnt want to spend $150 on something that they would hate as well. Luckily my mom and I found one at a yard sale for $40. Its in great condition (or I wouldnt have gotten it). I washed it and sanitized it. We held our breaths as we gingerly put Leah into the seat. We buckled the strap holding our breath...turned it on...turned on the mobile...took a few steps back....and NOTHING. No cry, No scream, No nothing!!! She LOVED it. Thank God! It has truly been a lifesaver for both girls. They are entranced by the mobile and break into smiles when its turned on. Mike and I leap up to turn it back on when one of the girls has fallen asleep because she will wake if she doesnt hear the music lol. Never seen two adults run for the same button as if their life depended on it HA! I think one thing is that it rocks them side to side and I believe both girls are not just colicky but also have a bit of reflux. I think the side to side motion is more soothing and doesnt cause the acid to come up. If that makes sense? Now we are on the market for another. I have no idea where we will put it but we will FIND the room. Its really THAT good!

Father's Day...party of four.

So yesterday was Father's Day. I can't help but remember last year at this time. We had just lost our first baby. We were both devastated. I had bought my hubby a Father's Day gift and card. I remember thinking what do I do with this now? It was awful. I on the other hand had a great first Mother's Day b/c I was still pregnant. That was a great day! Michael had bought me flowers, card, and a necklace. I still wear that necklace (the girls have started playing with it while I nurse :) ).

I can't believe all that has happened in one year! We now have almost 3 month old twins! Crazy. Michael was so excited for this day. He said it felt like Christmas lol. I got him a T shirt that says "Daddy of Twins. Im the Man!" He loved it. If I had only known that through all that pain...in the end we would have these girls. I still yearn for that first baby. I think that's only natural. He/She is a part of me forever. I carried him under my heart for almost 10 weeks.

Anyway we had a great day even though Michael had to work. We went out to dinner just the four of us. I love saying that! Finally a family. Before the girls we were a couple but now we can officially call ourselves a family :)

Im back!...maybe ;)

OK Im totally lame!

I started this blog with the thoughts that I would continue with my youtube vlogs and blog with two babies. This was BEFORE they were here. Crazy! The girls are now 11 weeks and I am finally able to get back to this. I have totally fallen off with my vlogs too. Its just next to impossible with these two munchkins. They keep this mommy busy all day...and into the night!

Letters To My Daughters

To my daughter Ava,

I cant believe that in less than one week you will be here in my arms! I cant wait to see your face, to smell you, to look at you from top to bottom. I wonder if the 3d ultrasound was right and you will look just like your daddy :). I remember the first day I saw you on that ultrasound screen. One of two perfect little dots! You were so small...probably about the size of a grain of rice. At first we werent sure we would see your heartbeat but there it was! The doctor had me worried because it wasnt as fast as she thought it should be. We prayed so hard that in the next week your heartbeat would be just as strong as your sibling. The second we saw that there were two of you..we wanted you both and loved you both so much. The next week there you were right on track with a perfect heartbeat. The sound was amazing :). Your heartbeat was always much lower than your siblings BUT it was perfect! You had the doctor guessing boy...haha so sneaky!

I so loved watching you grow. At my ultrasound at about 12 weeks you were so calm as usual. You were laying there just playing with your hands. We got some cute pictures of you waving your hand in front of your face. We were always able to get tons of pictures of you because you were so calm. Such a beautiful profile! We had it in our mind that you were a boy so were we were so surprised when the technician pointed out that you were a girl! Instantly you were "My Ava." When we were told thats exactly what I said. I couldnt believe that God had given me a girl. I was over the moon!!! You should have seen your dad's face. He was going to be the dad to a little girl. Awesome!

Its so funny that you were the little one that we worried so much about in the beginning but soon your growth was off the charts! The doctor joked and said that you got the prime location in mommy. You started measuring so far ahead and it was super cute to see your chub on the ultrasound screen. You also picked your spot in mommy and refused to move from that spot. Such a stinker! The NST nurses call you the calm one because you are so easy to find on the monitors but you do give them a hard time because you like to rest A LOT! :)

I cant wait for you to be here. I will be a little sad not to have you in my tummy anymore but I know you are destined for big things! Mommy and Daddy worked so hard to bring you into this world so we know this is true. I cant wait to be your mommy and watch you grow. I will warn you already that I will probably drive you crazy with my worry but its just because I love you so much! Just a short time little one and you will be here. You are actually kicking me right now! :)

Loving you forever,

Your mommy

To my daughter Leah,

In just less than a week I will be holding you in my arms. You have been such a mystery this whole pregnancy that everyone cant wait to see your face! You have always loved having your face pressed right up against me so high under my heart that we could never get many pictures. But between you and me I have enjoyed having you so close to me ;).

I will never forget the first time I saw you. You were just a little dot but boy did you have a fast heartbeat! We even got to hear it which was awesome!! You had the doctor guessing you were a girl. We were so excited at the thought of having a little girl. I remember at my 12 week ultrasound that the instant the doctor put the probe on my belly you started doing flips. We joked that we were in trouble with you! You were rolling and flipping your legs and arms all around. The doctor had such trouble getting you to settle down to measure your heartbeat. I got some still pictures from our camcorder and I thought I saw you were a girl but I didnt want to get my hopes up just yet (but I did buy some girl things haha). Our doctor always would make the comment that he couldnt wait to see you when you were born because you were so particular in your spot inside mommy and had such personality! He called you the "wigglier." You always made him work for his money :).

The day we were going to find out if you were a boy or a girl I was sitting in the car talking with daddy. We were so excited. I told him that for sure there were not two girls in there. I would bet my life. But I was praying that I had one little girl. The technician couldnt get you to cooperate at first so she checked your sister. We then figured you were a boy. The second she brought the probe back to you I SAW! I was shocked that you were a little girl too. I couldnt believe that God had brought me two girls. Daddy had to sit down ;). I knew your first name but didnt quite have your middle figured out yet. Right when we got home we sat down and finalized your name. That day our house was full of pink!

We always call you our Little Leah because you are smaller than your sister but right on track. You've always had such spirit. I would sometimes worry because I wouldnt feel you moving as much as your sister but when I would get very panicked you would kick for me (after I begged). Its so funny because you have had so many different positions inside mommy. We always like to see at our appointments where you are on that day. You make the NST nurses work really hard to keep you on the monitor. You also hate having anything on you. Its funny to watch because you always feel whatever is on you first. So there will be a little movement then all of a sudden you will kick so hard at whatever it is to get it off. You have practically thrown the TV remote off you before! Your kicks are so loud during the NST's. I just laugh and say "thats my Leah."

I cant wait to inspect you and see who you take after. We know you have chubby cheeks! I wonder if you will be just as fiesty when you are here. I know you will be amazing. I want you to know that we have always wanted you and loved you. I cant wait to see who you grow up to be. I will cherish each day that Im your mom. God has truly blessed us!

Loving you forever,

Your mommy

The Story Of The Ladybug

I guess the first blog I should post is kind of a bit of background on me and the story behind the ladybug. First off my husband I and struggled with infertility for four years. I was diagnosed with PCOS (poly cystic ovarian syndrome) and I did not ovulate on my own. I was completely devastated by this diagnosis. There has never been a time in my life when I havent dreamed of being a mom. I was that little girl who always had a baby doll in her arms. We tried many different treatments but finally it seemed like the best option was injectable medications to induce ovulation with IUI (insemination). The IUI just increases the chances of conception. I was sad to think that this most intimate practice of conceiving was going to involve a doctor...a stranger. Thank God I have an amazing husband who said to me that it doesnt matter how our baby was conceived because regardless our baby was conceived in love. Oh so true!

We did finally get our first positive pregnancy test after IUI #3. We were overjoyed. Our prayers had been answered. We saw the most beautiful heartbeat when I was 5wks 5days pregnant. They say the odds of miscarriage greatly decreases once you see/hear the heartbeat so we felt so good. We were instantly in love. Our first appointment with our OB was when I was just under 10wks along. I felt like everything was going good. I was very sick! When they started the ultrasound I knew right away something was wrong. Our baby looked so perfect but so still. No heartbeat. In that moment my world stopped. How could this be happening to me...to my husband? This is not fair! Almost instantly I was bombarded with my different "options." I decided on a D&C since my body did not seem to be responding to the loss. I couldnt imagine waiting for it to happen and to be honest I was scared.

After I was really struggling. I was beyond sad and my heart ached so much. Miscarriage is awful for anyone but when you have struggled with infertility it just feels like I have to climb that HUGE mountain again. I was exhausted of the struggle. I just remember praying and asking God to send me a sign that all was ok. I was worried about the baby (even though I know the baby is gone and with Our Lord). I just needed some reassurance. One night my husband and I were coming home late and we were definitely broken souls. We walked up to our front door and right there in the middle of it was a ladybug. It was very late at night. I instantly took this as a sign. Other times when I was struggling I would pray again for that sign. Always I was reassured. Even once one landed on me and instantly I had a smile and a feeling of pure bliss.

So we jumped back on the infertility rollercoaster because ultimately we wanted to be a family. The next cycle went amazing. I had so many follicles (eggs). I knew instantly that I was pregnant again. Then at 5wks 6days we discovered we were having twins. Instantly they were my "ladybugs." And once we found out both were girls the nickname really stuck. They are both truly such a blessing! I have no doubt that God sent them to us.